Momma Drama

…and I for one am glad of it!

There will be a change in the Snapper household rules. The changes will include, but not be limited to the following:

· I will not force “Family Days” or family time on anyone anymore. I will make a plan and invite all to participate. Whoever is not ready to go/begin at the mutually agreed upon time will not be joining the rest of us who are ready.
· The same goes for an ‘in-house’ planned activity. If you are not ready to begin at the mutually agreed upon time, the activity will begin without you. It will not be delayed, postponed, or re-scheduled except in the case of fire and medical emergency.
· I reserve the right to laundry only the items of my choice, much like my scrub and hockey jersey wearing spouse. I will probably continue to wash the children’s’ clothing, because well…they are children.
· I will no longer be responsible for seeing to it that the garbage is removed or taken to the dump.
· I will no longer answer any question more than once to people between the ages of 10 and 99.
· I will answer a question twice to people between the ages of 2 and 10.
· I will no longer be solely responsible for all grocery shopping. Especially when you notice that we are damn near out of milk (since you were the last person to use it), and you leave the house, then return, leave again and return again, passing many a store and gas station in your travels.
· I will no longer grocery shop with the children.
· I will no longer listen to whining/fussing/nagging/general crabbing and baby talk from anyone between the ages of 2 and 99. I will immediately send you to your room if you are between the ages of 4 and 7.
· I will no longer allow you to pick and mess with each other. I will assign you a time out chair or put you both in a corner to hug each other if you are between the ages of 4 and 7.
· If picking up toys continues to be a problem, I will swoop in with my garbage bag and be done with it.
· I will no longer have any discussions of any kind relating to any mid-life crisis disguised as a never ending, daily, exhaustive, job search. I will not allow my every day, my every thought to be about your job hunt, your obsession, to the point that my brain turns to mush when you start rambling on, and on, and on about it. Only to be told that I am to blame for the last decision that was made in regards to a job, one that was not the *right* decision.
· I will no longer tell you about my day. If you care, you may ask.
· I will rely on daycare to save my sanity when needed.
· If you are between the ages of, oh let’s see……..23 months, & 1 week and hmmmmmm………..2 years and you continue to run through this house like a Tazmanian Devil, wreaking 67 millionity and 42 new tricks of destruction, I will strip you and give you a bath. Only because it is the only thing you cannot climb out of. It would be more pc than tying you to a tree…
· If you are between the ages of 2 and 4 and you get in to one more pencil, pen, dry erase marker, crayon, grease pencil, colored pencil, scrap booking pen, regular marker, or highlighter I may just bust your hiney. Fair warning.
· I will no longer feel bad when I exit this house, I will not strive to get home quickly to *save anyone*.
· I will no longer be cooking every meal around here.
· I will no longer listen to crabbing about the meal at the dinner table. I eat damn near everything, with the exception of maybe two things….I do not appreciate having every meal ruined by a bunch of picky asses. You may look at what is for dinner. If you choose not to eat it…then you may carry on. Do not even come to the table. You may take care of your hydration needs for that meal in the bathroom.
· I will no longer be made to feel that my job is not *real*. It is very real, that’s why it brings in a few hundred dollars every month. Just because I don’t have to drive anywhere to get to it doesn’t make it any less important. Matter of fact, the people who hired me also voted to give me another raise next year, so it must be real. And not a cake walk some days.
· I will no longer waste my time on conversations like this: Is today bath day for the kids? Gee, what day do you think is bath day? I don’t know. Why wouldn’t you know?….it’s been the same for 7 years now. Because I work afternoons. Huh?
· I will no longer think for 5 people.

And what do you get in return oh lovely Snapper family? A more civil, less cussing, sweeter wife and mother. I don’t know this for a fact, but I’m pretty sure that if you don’t peck someone to death on a continual basis,
like Chinese water torture,
till their eyelids twitch on a regular basis,
until you deplete all their brain cells because they have to think for you,
you may just like what you end up with.

Happy hard-core holidays Snapper family!