Momma Drama

Lifted from here, by way of here.

Your Personality Profile

You are sexy, powerful, and bold. You're full of passion and energy... Sometimes this passion has a dark side. You feel most alive when you're seducing someone. You never fail to get someone's attention. Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!

I am 5 L/O's shy of being totally caught up for 2005. And I may be kicking those 5 out tonight. WOOT!

...of 9. Yay, Dave is coming home tomorrow, one day early. Unless someone else gets a bear tonight during the evening hunt.

The winter clothes have been swapped for the summer ones. The house is clean enough. Maiya and I have been out and about 3 times this week, once for a playdate, once for lunch and today for a church based ladies group thing. Nobody has been sent to their room this week, and nobody learned any new swear words from their momma. ;) Not a bad week, all in all.

I've been going room to room looking for donation items the last few days. The extra paycheck from last week, and only owing a small amount towards hockey tickets will allow us to donate some cash to the relief efforts too. Yay! I forgot that we actually paid for hockey last year, but never got a refund after the season was called off. I had to do the conference call with the other 3 guys and pick our 10 games. I managed to score 7 of our 10 on weekends, so we might actually be able to go, rather than sell them off.

No breaking news on the job front, but putting that all down in writing has been rather helpful. I feel closer to an answer since doing that. Thanks for all the feedback!

Off to do dinner, than take Miss Devin to riding lessons.

Have a great weekend all!

No flow to this post. It will jump from here to there, to and fro. It's a little something I like to call the jitterbuggin' post. Proceed at your own risk.

Day #6 of 10. Took the big two to school, then dropped Little Miss ThingyDingy off at daycare.
Went grocery shopping, then stopped at the Halloween USA store and paid $45 to WHACK costumes from the sewing list. Yay me. Devin is in love with her costume, it is all she has talked about tonight. I ordered the wig from e-bay and expect that in a few days. Trent got the Zorro accessories...hat, mask, cape and sword. I just need to outfit him in a black shirt and pants, and make him a belt. I got Bunny's costume the other day at the Goodwill store. She's going to be the cutest Bunny you've ever seen!

My Meijer store is so damn efficient at emptying the cart corral that there is NEVER a cart when you need one. I did not need one today, but I usually like to have one available to plunk the Bun in, and have the big two hang on to while we go through the lot.

Lara Flynn Boyle's lips scare me!

I do not like the new Mustangs, but I wouldn't say no to a Dodge Charger. Of course, the Charger is still no SS. Holy crap! That one is very close to home. Sigh.

I have wrestled with the job issue for quite a few weeks now. Here are my thoughts in no particular order on the subject:
*I'm okay with going to work. I'm okay that Dave doesn't want to get a second job.
~The thought was part-time at first, but I'm not opposed to full-time at this point.
*I trust my daycare(s) completely, and have no *real* issue with the kids being there.
~I have issues with *having* to have the kids go to daycare for me to get a job. Funny, I have no issues with taking them to daycare for me to get some down time.
*I really have no desire to back to a nursing home setting at this point, mainly beacuse of shift hours. Day shift starts at 6 am.
~I want to get out of my comfort zone.
*I don't want the kids at daycare 5 days a week, for hours on end.
~I want to feel challenged professionally. Learn something new.
*I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that according to the Miss Snapper Master Plan of 2002, I should have free time right now in excess. Due to the fact that I'm the mother of only two.
~The above statement causes me tons of guilt.
*I'm okay with making sacrifices for the sake of being a (most of the time) SAHP.
~I'm somewhat pissy about making some sacrifices if I think too much about it. I think that makes me ungrateful, but it's little things mainly. I'm tired of feeling self-inflicted pressure to search out the best deal on everything, every damn time, so we don't squander money. I'm tired of not grabbing the good smelling soap, because it costs more.
*I feel and also don't feel like I'm firing my kids by wanting to work, full time even.
~I'm okay that if I get a M-F job, the kids still have Dave here twice a week. We are talking three days a week of daycare for them. Small potatoes in the grand scheme of things.
*I'm tired of having all 3 of them within hitting/poking/kicking/growling/fighting reach of each other in the car. No job, no mini van.
~I'm tired of thinking that I'm going to help fund 3 college funds in time. Here's the math: I start back to work full time in 2008. In a perfect world, we'd have 3 fully funded college funds by 2016, 2018 and 2021.
*This house is never going to get the repairs done at the rate we are going.
~Living darn near pay-check to pay check is stressful. Not so much when you are young and stupid, but way too nerve wracking when you are older and wiser...with 3 kids.
*Dave is still going through his mid-life crisis disguised as a job search. He can't really help us at this point.
~Dave hates the job he is at right now. This puts me in the hot seat. The grass is always greener...
*If I was working, the lion's share of household duties would not fall solely to me. Or I wouldn't be as quick as I am to try and do it all myself beacue "I'm the at home parent..."
~It's easier to WHACK the bullshit when you have less family hours in the day.
*I trust Dave to do a fine job taking care of the kids when I'm gone. Not because he has to, but because he is fully capable. It has taken me a l o n g time to discover this.
~Any grief I feel about working full-time, as far as being away from Maiya can be rationalized by the fact that she is the first child to have me all to herself. I worked part time outside of the home with the other two, with Maiya I work from home.
*I worry that the hours I spend here with the kids are what you could consider quality. Somehow oversaturation and quality don't seem to go together. Too much of a good thing, etc.
~Will I be a better, more fun mom by going back to work? Quality over quantity?
*Will I be a worse, over stressed, tired, cranky mother by going back to work?
~Working can always be temporary for me until all 3 are in school, as far as I know.
*We are lucky enough to have options, some people don't.

So. Selfish? Normal? Conflicted? Drama momma? Ungrateful? Not worthy of SAHPdom? Mid life crisising myself? In a rut? Stagnating? Blossoming? Which is it?

A horse with diarrhea sucks! It's really hard to avoid driving through all that shit in your lane on a one lane highway. Green acres is the place for me, farm living is the life for me....

Yesterday was uneventful in a good way. Got my meeting stuff all done and then took all 3 kidlets to the Dr.'s. I'm losing my touch (thank goodness!) for diagnosing sinus infections. Everyone is okay. Money to burn baby! Maiya and I talked to Dave yesterday, no bear for him yet, but one of the other guys got one.

The meeting was pretty straigtforward, the minutes should be easy enough.

Today so far I have stripped all the beds, and flipped mattresses. After Maiya and I get back from a playdate, I will re-make the beds and put clean clothes away. That just leaves vacuuming up there, and dragging the fall/winter clothes out of the attic. After school, we will take Trent to the allergist. Should be only 3 more visits after today, then the once a month. I think I'll ship Maiya to daycare tomorrow, and deep clean the whole downstairs. Then when everyone gets back home in the afternoon, we'll try on the winter clothes so I can get those into the rotation.

Still need to get back outside and finish the cleaning up and mow.

...where during church service, both uniformed EMT's get up and respond to a call. Also where, during the same service, 4 fire fighters respond to a seperate call. Also where you can bribe the kids into having good manners at Lowes with a "surprise" afterwards. The surprise? Looking at modular homes. Cheap to entertain, my kids are. :)

Day #3 of 10...a success thankfully.

Today, day #4 is "Take the big two to school, then let Maiya watch TV all day while I finish paperwork for the meeting" day. ;) Maybe I'll have some umption in my gumption and only need half the day to finish up.

I got a check in the mail on Saturday......Dave's check for picking up one extra day at the old job. Granted, he worked a very long day, and drove two hours each way, but that one day check was more than half of our monthly newly discovered deficit. I'm just saying...

...if I do say so myself! Translated, this means I did not have to be ogre momma today.

The troops were up, fed, dressed and out the door on time for Devin's soccer practice/game at 9 am. Maiya was semi well behaved while Trent watched her during the practice portion of soccer (New this year, parent participation! Whoo!)

Afterwards, we drove to the neighbor's property, where I was able to shoot the bow. Practice, practice, practice. *Someone* around her needs to get a deer. The kids sat in the truck and watched a DVD while I shot.

Then off to home where we had a nice lunch together, which is NOT always the case.

I put Maiya down for a nap after that, and the rest of us headed outside. My plan was to mow the lawn, but I opted to do yard work instead. Nothing like the inside of the house looking like a total pit to make you spruce up the yard. Heh. I pulled the rest of the corn stalks out of the garden and put them up to dry. I took the already dried stalks and decorated by the back door. I need to get some pumpkins and chrysanthemums for back there now. Then I weeded like a mad woman. The kids played with the next door neighbor (not the 8 y.o hussy, she has since relocated. Whew!), and a good time was had by all.

A few hours later, we headed back inside and got Maiya up. We watched Pooh's Heffalump movie, and made dinner. I attempted pork fried rice, which was edible. I'm not so good with those type of dishes, but I know what I can do differently next time to improve this one.

After dinner, we headed back outside. More weeding and general yard work for me. I also started draining the pool. More playing with the neighbor (different one this time) for the kids.

Came inside, cut Trent's hair and he is in the tub now. The girls are talking my ear off, waiting for their tub time right now.

Dave left yesterday afternoon for a bear hunt. He will be back next Sunday. Hopefully the children will take it easy on me.

The job front is trying to stress me. I really do need to get a job. I sat down and re-did the budget quite a few weeks ago, and was shocked. It really shouldn't have been that shocking for us though...Dave took a pay cut to go to the job that was closer to home. He also only works 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts.
We enjoyed the heck out of those 4 day family weekends all summer....but.... We have a car payment, and full coverage on the Explorer to contend with. It's been at least 2.5 years since we have had a car payment. So all in all, we are down about $700 a month. Eek! So we have gone round and round talking about what to do job wise. Dave finally came out a said he didn't really want to work a second job. (Don't get me started on how he makes $10 more per hour than me...) It really is okay that I go to work instead, I'm ready when I think about it.
That is when I'm not thinking selfishly. Except, when I left the nursing home last September, I felt no need to go back there. I'm ready to expand my horizons I guess, or at least shorten my drive to work. The preschool job that I applied for was not meant for me, as I knew it wasn't as far as qualifications. I did have an interview for a position at a Dr.'s office the other day. I feel that the interview went well, but it is a 30 minute drive and it's full-time. I don't need a full-time job yet, besides the day care would eat a small chunk of my paycheck. So I guess my next step is the hospital/nursing home 7 minutes away. It sucks because the nursing home I *left* is the highest paid place of anywhere around here. Ugh!
If I think selfishly, I could bitch all day long and back again about having to get a job. I put all sorts of things on hold until "school starts", and I only had one child here at home. I was looking forward to spending more quality time with Dave, since he has Monday and Tuesdays off. Maiya takes a nap still. *Wink* I'm supposed to be shooting for practice, and hunting, and painting the doors, and painting the kitchen cabinets, and organizing my recipes, etc. Waaa! So there's that.

Other than that, I just feel really busy lately. With what I don't friggin' know...I don't spend my time meditating, cleaning the house, exercising, surfing the forums or keeping up with the laundry to the point that it isn't wrinkling in the baskets. I think I may be lazy. The horror. I'm taking the kids to and from school, but that still gives me a 6.5 hour chunk of time to work with. Trent has 2 more weeks of the twice weekly shots, so I'm hoping that helps somewhat when we are finished with those. Right now I'm running Devin twice a week...once to riding and once to soccer. They should both end around the same time, mid October. I do spend an awful lot of time chasing Maiya out of items/rooms/toilets/cupboards/areas/litterboxes/markers/etc. she shouldn't be into. Does that count? Ha.

I still need to blog about the NY road trip. Remind me. :)

...I need more time in the day.
There is so much stuff going on everyday, life is hard!
I have a job interview tomorrow. I just faxed the damn resume yesterday, eek!

I was talking to Maiya last night about her birthday. When I asked her what she thought she wanted for a present, she said "ham".....snort!

I'm due to leave in about 5 hours, and I still need to pack, shower, finish Village work, meet with Village people (snicker) about moving a road in the cemetery (!) That cemetery will be the death of me...haha.

Got myself a nice speeding ticket yesterday. I must say that was not in the budget.

No word on the pre-school job, I called yesterday to make sure they received my resume. I guess about 20 people applied, they are going to whittle that down to 5 and start interviewing.

I really need to get a job as a nurse......Our gas went from $2.63/gal on Tuesday to $3.20 (20 minutes from here)-$3.50/gal (right in town) Ouch! I'm not sure we are going to be able to afford our share of the Red Wing tickets this time around. Boo hoo, especially since my boy is home again.

And yet, hockey doesn't really matter if you watch the news nowadays...as a nurse I should be headed south as a volunteer. :(

Have a wonderful long weekend all!